Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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