if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
