I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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