I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
