She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
