It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
BRING THE BAGELS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
