Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
