I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why didn't you poke me back
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
