I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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