is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
