They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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