I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
