Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so much tequila, so little girl.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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