question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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