Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
