the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
