okay pat passed out under dana's car
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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