I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
