I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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