Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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