Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
