I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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