Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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