he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
tell me about the fingering
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