Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
