dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
