dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
