Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
