Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
