he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
