Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Holy shit dude........stairs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
