where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
