I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
