we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
