carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
