you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
