dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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