I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
