if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
do herpes really smell.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
