Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
