I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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