Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
