I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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