Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
