I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
