She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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