Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
