I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Say something about gay babies.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
