I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
