I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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