Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
