So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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